Shipwrecked and Single
by ghosthead8503
Summary: Adaptation of the story mode to the video game "The Sims Castaway Stories". Rated T for... well, just to be on the safe side. First fanfic in a long while, so please be kind. UPDATE: Major Overhaul! (Seriously Considering Converting This Story Into One-Shot.)
1. Prelude

Legal Disclaimers

_- I do not, nor have I ever, owned the rights to the video game, __The Sims - Castaway Stories__, from which this fan fiction is based. To my legal knowledge, the game, and its content, though out of print, are both, to this day, legally owned by their respective owners, Electronic Arts, Inc._

_- __Shipwrecked and Single__ is a work of complete fiction. Names, characters, places, and situations are products of either the original staff's imagination or that of my own. Any resemblances to any actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely co-incidental._

_- The views expressed in this fan fiction do not necessarily represent the overall views of the author._

Prelude

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip." Yeah, I know - the immortal opening line from "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island." Now, before any of you dear readers out there go and tell Sherwood Schwartz's lawyers about what I did, I simply felt that particular line from that familiar theme song seemed to fit this little story - a tale about a man who boards a pleasure cruise one ordinary evening, only to wake up on a deserted tropical island, quite possibly the ship's lone survivor. "Farfetched," you might say? Please, read on…

Take David Bennett for instance - obviously a guy, with brown hair that desperately needed to be cut, a five o'clock shadow that he never really planned to shave, and a light tan that would _normally_ drive women wild. Notoriously cynical, extremely sarcastic and a true loner at heart, the few friends he had knew he was as loyal and true a friend you'd ever find walking on two legs. Physically, he stood about 6' 02" (1.88m) tall and weighed around 215lbs. (97.53kg) - was slightly muscular, though definitely not muscle-bound. (The only reason he took up light weightlifting to keep in shape was the fact it was the only sport he was ever good at - and that wasn't saying much.) More of a grease monkey than a jock by nature, he was always more at home in an auto shop than a gymnasium any day. In fact, he couldn't throw a football or catch a baseball if it meant saving his life, and don't even ask about bouncing a basketball.

Extremely goal-oriented, David felt that he had to grow up just barely getting by. After his father died in a tragic work-related accident when he was just a kid, his mother had to work even harder to make ends meet until he was old enough to work on his own. And with her next two marriages ending in nasty divorces - well, the bills just kept piling up with no end in sight. As he grew older, after his mother died when he was seventeen, he swore he would never have to go through life without the simple luxuries those around him took for granted. Now, that's not saying when he finally _did_ have money, he was some kind of a Scrooge - in fact, he was quite charitable; the problem was that he had to know (to the smallest fraction) where his money was going or else he wouldn't donate _anything_ to your cause! And if he _did_ loan you money, and you promised to pay him back by a certain time, you had better do so before that day ended or you would truly face his full wrath.

Never craving _too_ much social interaction growing up, it never bothered David that he'd never had an actual romantic, sexual relationship before. Now that's not to say he didn't want one, but to this day it never really bothered him that he was a virgin past the age of twenty-five - which is why his friends/co-workers signed him up for this little pleasure cruise. No, he wasn't like _that_ or anything, he was just notorious for having real bad luck with women. Unlike most men, he never felt comfortable going all the way until he knew the woman he was seeing _real_ well… which was usually after their second or third date - thing is, he could never get to that all too necessary _first_ date. As far as high school and the community college were concerned, he felt he never had the money, let alone the time, to keep anyone of the fairer sex interested long enough to stick around.

All of this eventually led him to the deck of the Solomon Queen - a two week long pleasure cruise that was intended to bring unattached singles together at a tropical lonely hearts club for a massive orgy. Chances are, though, if the architects knew that the ship's maiden commercial voyage would've ended like this, they probably would've christened it "Titanic II." One night, halfway through the cruise, there was a terrible storm and now one of the passengers, assumed to be the ship's lone survivor, clings to a steamer trunk drifting out to sea, knocked out and barely holding on to life itself, waking up two short days later on the sandy shores of an uncharted island.

Very little is known about this remote tropical paradise. Its location isn't recorded on any chart or map in circulation. Wild animals prowl its dense jungles, from the enormous volcanic crater to the wide sandy beaches. Lost and alone, can David survive long enough to find other castaways and meet island natives? This obviously isn't the tropical island getaway David had in mind.


	2. Almost Paradise

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 01

Almost Paradise

"Huh… wha… what happened?" David asked, finally waking up. "The last thing I remember was being exhausted from that long trip to the dock, so I stepped into this empty stateroom and fell asleep. The next thing I know, I'm here."

Looking out to sea, he noticed the ship's tell-tale wreckage. "Is that the Queen? Man… that must've been one helluva shindig!" he said, "I wonder if the other passengers made it off alive. Are they even here? I can't think about that right now." Looking around, "Where am I, anyway? This doesn't look like the place on that 'Club Lust' brochure. I _knew_ I should've flown to that resort, but the guys had already bought the ticket for the boat! Oh well, at least I have my health. What more could I possibly need?"

Looking around, he noticed a small metallic object sticking out from underneath the sand, just enough to reflect the light from the sun. "A hatchet?" he said, digging it out, "Sweet… I know this'll come in handy. I wonder what else washed up." Scanning the shoreline, he found the steamer trunk that served as his life raft buried just below the sand. Digging it out, he found a convenient place to put it, thinking, "Come to think of it, I am kind of lonely. I guess keeping a diary while I'm here isn't such a bad idea; it sure beats talking to myself all day and night. Besides, who around here will know? Too bad that trunk isn't big enough for me to ride it off this island. The way my luck been going, it'll probably be empty, or worse, filled with venomous snakes. Though, it _is_ a good place to keep supplies. Thing is - I don't have any. Speaking of having no supplies, I'm parched."

That line from the epic poem, _The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,_ "water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink" couldn't have been more true here than anywhere else because the only thing in terms of water was salty, undrinkable seawater. Luckily, David spotted a nearby coconut tree. Climbing up, he grabbed a coconut, hacked a hole in it, and enjoyed.

"Ahh… that hits the spot. I'd better save some more for later. Too bad these thing don't grow on little bushes, instead of tall trees… or delivered on an extra-large pizza for that matter." Climbing up that same tree, he knocked down a few more of the delicious hard and hairy fruit and placed them in the steamer truck the second his feet touched dry land. "It's hard work just for a snack, but at least I'll have some food for later. Perhaps I'll open up a little coconut stand when I get back home with the leftover extras. Wouldn't that be nice… no boss, no deadline, no schedule. I can just see the neon sign blinking now - "David's Wild Nut Hut."

Still lost in thought, "Since I'm here, I think I might as well name this place. I have a feeling I'm going to be here for a while. Now let's see… I think I'll call it 'Felicity Island.' Surely nothing bad can happen in a place with a name like Felicity."

Getting back to work, he found some old lumber. "Well, I've always heard fire's essential for survival. But I'll need some firewood first. I knew that hatchet would come in handy!" Hacking away, David gathered enough wood to make a decent campfire. Not having any matches with him, David had to resort to banging two rocks together, which (to his surprise) actually worked. "I did it!" David cried out to no one in particular, "I'm a fire-starter! Thank you, Prometheus!"

No one could describe the amount of pride he felt from lighting his first fire without a match. But, like we all know, pride goes before a fall as the distant sound of thunder warned David that a rainstorm was about to start the moment his campfire's flame bursts to life.

"Oh great!" David said as his fire started to die out, "It's probably monsoon season around here. I'd better find some shelter, and fast!" Finding nothing reliable, David hastily built a lean-to tent in a semi-clear area of the beach as darkness fell and the rain began to sprinkle.

Admiring his handiwork, he thought, "Well, at least it's quaint - an airy shelter with an oceanfront view. It's not much, but it'll do for now." yawning, "I'd better get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a busy day. Besides, the nightlife here seems a little tame for my taste. Hell, the way things are going, some reality TV crew will come out of hiding and yell 'Smile! You're on Candid Castaway!'" At least he got a slight chuckle out of that little joke just before finally falling asleep, shedding a few depressed tears in the process.

That night, however, David was being watched by the local wildlife. By the time the rain started to pour, a group of orangutans found his coconut stash a bit too tempting a prize not to be left alone. Too bad they didn't take their garbage back with them.


	3. I Will Survive

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 02

I Will Survive

"What happened here?" David asked, stunned as he surveyed the damage, "Someone, or something, trashed my camp while I was asleep. I'd better clean this mess up before it attracts some hungry predator. *heh* The only thing missing from this little waste management project is help from the Teamsters." Looking around, "Then again, this _does_ look like the kind of place where you'd probably find Jimmy Hoffa's corpse lying around. *sigh* Well… I'd better get started. I don't want to attract any more wild things to camp." Chopping up some more firewood, David built a makeshift trash pit and finished cleaning up after his uninvited mystery guests, grateful that the only thing attracted by the overwhelming stench of decaying garbage was nothing more than a swarm of flies. "Well," he said, after the job was finished, "that's about as clean as sand's gonna get."

Then, getting a good whiff of himself, David recoiled, "Man, I reek! I guess it's as good enough of a reason as any to go for a swim and freshen up. Who knows? Maybe I'll destroy a micro-ecosystem or two with my body odor." Stripping down, he waded out to a point where his feet no longer touched the soft, wet sand. True, he had always wanted beachfront property when he retired, so he might as well try to make the most out of what he had while he was forced to endure it. After threading water for a little while, David returned to shore. "I should do that more often." he said, drying off as best he could, "If it ever comes down to the worst case scenario, I could always swim home."

Hearing his stomach growl, David said, "Well… there's still plenty of fish left in the sea, but right now I need one in my gut. Got milk? Got coconut milk? Nothing BUT coconut milk, and that stuff can only go so far. I need to catch a fish… I'm going crazy without any _real_ food." Grabbing whatever he could use as a fishing gig, David waded back out to the water's edge and waited. "Now I just hope these fish don't have their own spears."

Waiting a while… "Got any… three cheese pizza?" he asked. Spotting a fish, he made a lunge for the fish and caught his foot. "[CENSORED!] No, go fish!"

Waiting… "Any… seven layer dips?" Again, nothing… (At least he didn't catch his foot this time.) "Go fish."

"Any… King Crab legs?" Again, no fish… just his foot. "[CENSORED!] No, go fish! No! You go fish! Who, me? You talkin' to me?" (he was already going crazy from a combination of hunger and loss of blood.) Then reality hits him hard. Placing his spear down so he could lean against it, David got lucky. "Is that all it took?" Looking at his catch, "_Sashimi_ anyone?" he scoffed, "No, not here, anyway. This isn't a place I want to get sick at. I'm cooking everything I catch." Then, regarding his dying fish, "Buddy, you're taking a one way trip to the business end of a roaring campfire. And if the smell attracts any wild animals… I'll eat them too!" Lighting another fire, David killed and grilled his 'hard caught' fish. "Talk about your catch-of-the-day special." he said in between mouthfuls, "You just can't get fish this fresh back home. Who knew that watching countless hours of cooking shows would payoff one day? This may be the single most delicious thing I've ever eaten… here."

Finally full, David surveyed his beachfront property, noticing some fresh debris that had washed ashore. Checking it out, he started fiddling around with it - positioning two large bamboo logs into a parallel position. Then, a brilliant thought flashed through his head. "This'll make a good base for my getaway raft." then, coming back down to Earth, "*sigh* I still need more logs, though." Looking around, he noticed some smaller bamboo shoots, "Bingo." Grabbing the shoots, David got back to work.

Completing the base, he said, "At least it's a start. Granted, a better starting point would be the Pleasantview Harbor, but who's complaining? But I still need something to bind the base together. I need to explore this island a little further, but my hatchet won't chop through those tough bamboo shoots blocking my way to the forest. *sigh* I hate to say it, but I guess I'm stuck here."


	4. Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 03

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

"I wonder if that storm washed anything else ashore." David thought, "I guess I'd better comb the beach for salvage. Too bad I left my favorite comb at home." Scanning the shoreline, David spotted an unusual looking piece of wood sticking out from underneath the sand. Digging it out, David found a machete blade attached to it. "Sweet! The machete I wanted for my tenth birthday! I bet this'll cut down that tough bamboo." swinging it around like Luke Skywalker did when Obi Wan Kenobi gave him Darth Vader's old lightsaber, "Better late than never." he said, "I just hope I don't find a hockey mask and a tropical summer camp full of horny teenagers on the other end of that clearing or else I really **will** be swimming home."

Hacking away at the bamboo shoots, he thought, "Nothing like a solo jungle expedition on a remote desert island to get the blood flowing. Please, oh please, let there be a lost tribe of lonely Amazons at the end of this trail." Then, seeing he'd already cleared away enough debris to make a decent pathway, "Oh well, here goes nothing."

Exploring the pathway, David discovered an airplane crash site. "Damn… this wreckage looks older than I am." he said, looking it over, "How long has it been here anyway? World War II? I just wonder how long I'll be here. Either way, that cockpit must have a radio, a signal flare, or something I can use to get off this island. Who knows? Maybe I'll find Amelia Earhart while I'm here."(1) Checking out (what was) the cockpit, David found something even better than the lashings he was looking for - a faded map of the island. Scanning it over, "If I'm reading this right, there's another trail leading deeper into the island's interior. If the pilot survived the crash, he or she may still be on the island. I'd better be optimistic for both our sakes."

Making his way down this newly discovered pathway, based on the map's directions, David discovered a small society of orangutans. "Finally!" he cried, "Something semi-intelligent to actually subjugate. Welcome, my monkey minions!" semi-cautiously approaching the apes. Then, he noticed something those overgrown monkeys were preciously guarding, "They seem to be interested in that tiki-looking thing at the base of their tree. I might as well take it. It'll be a perfect memento of my stay here on this island."

Big mistake! As David approached the idol, all he had to do was look at it to make one of the orangutans pounce on him, beating the living **** out of its human victim with a lucky sucker punch from behind.

"Damn…" David said, running off in total agony (his wounded pride was what hurt him the most) "and all this time I thought herbivores were pacifists." Then, he spotted a nearby banana tree, getting an idea, "Well, they always say that one can attract more flies with honey, than you can with vinegar. And those bananas might make a decent peace offering. If that don't work, time for some amateur Judo. Now for the tricky part - handing food to wild animals. What the hell could possibly go wrong?"

Picking off a few pieces of the deliciously golden fruit, David carefully approached the apes. Whistling and waving the fruit around to get their attention, he had them (literally) eating out of the palm of his hand. First, David attracted the two apes that were lazing around in the treetops and _then_ he got the ape that almost massacred him to leave its post for a free meal. "Chow-time, fuzzballs. Come and get it! There you go my hairy little acquaintances. There's plenty more where that came from. Maybe now you won't thrash me again." David said, handing out the fruit as the apes greedily devoured their delicious prize, which allowed him to slowly make his way to the idol. "Now to claim my prize."

Picking up the tiki, David thought, "The only thing missing from this whole scenario is the booby trap that shoots out killer bees armed with tiny blow guns." As he admired his prize, he asked the apes, "Did you guys carve this tiki yourselves, or did you just order it online?" Admiring it further, "Who carved this thing? Are they still on the island? - Are they cannibals? I better get back to camp before I find out the hard way. I just hope these monkeys don't call the cops when they find out this thing's missing. Oh, what am I saying? Everyone knows orangutans hate cops. Besides, I've hit my adventure quota for today." It was already starting to get dark out, so with the aide of his map, David found an easy shortcut back to camp that cut his travel time almost by half. Though, had David known he'd be returning with company, he probably would've spruced the place up a little bit.

_Author's Notes: (1) - Thank you, JustaHuntressofArtemis, for the idea of possibly of finding Amelia Earhart near that crash site._


	5. Idol Hands

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 04

Idol Hands

Back at camp… "Now, let's find a nice spot for my new little friend." Looking around, David saw something that'd worked. "That rock over there looks like a good enough place." Placing the idol on its new pedestal, David saw that the idol alone was a great way to spruce up the camp.

"Here, how's that? Not bad, huh? View okay? Good." David continued, starting to hold a one-way conversation with his new, inanimate friend. Too bad the tiki was the strong, silent type.

"You know, we have a lot in common. I like to talk; you like to listen. I live on an island; you were made on an island. You know, you need a name. How about Spaulding? You care if I call you that? No? Good. Spaulding it is, then. You know, I think this might be the start of a beautiful friendship." Intrigued further, David requested, "You look so mysterious. I hope you don't mind if I take a closer look at you. You don't? Thanks."

Getting a better look at his new 'friend,' he found, "Oh! One of your jewels is missing. Don't worry - I'll buy you some new forehead bling when we get back to civilization. What do I do for a living? Well - I guess you can say I'm… uh… self-employed. Liar! You can't just throw out words and phrases like "lazy" and "clinging to false hope of rescue" out like that - I'm trying."

Then, after pausing for a little while to think about what the idol supposedly said, "Spaulding does have a point, though. I need to come up with a day-to-day survival plan until I can finish my raft. Like I always say, 'Plan your work and work your plan.'" (in this case, "always" meant "starting today.") Seeing that he had a choice between hunting, gathering, and crafting, David took up crafting, since he was one always good with a wrench. "With that taken care of, it's time to work on my escape plan."

Waking up early the next morning, David was getting ready to forage for supplies, until he noticed he'd been followed. "What? It's that overgrown monkey that beat the tar out of me the other day. I wonder if it wants to make-up or steal Spaulding. I might as well find out."

Cautiously walking up to the ape, David greeted, "Welcome, my fuzzy friend!" Offering Waiata (the orangutan) a banana, he must've won the oversized monkey over because the ape started grooming David as if he was part of his group. "He's the coolest thing I've found yet." David said, "I think I might just keep him around." Jane Goodall would've probably been either proud or horrified to know this was going on.

Officially 'adopting' Waiata as a pet and comrade, David wasted no time in putting the ape to work. "If he can help me around camp," he thought, "I can focus on more important things - like getting back home." Since he saw this ape was also a natural crafter, David put him to work doing just that. "Now that I don't have to worry so much about supplies, I can get back to working on my raft. Besides, even here the job market's tight right now. I just hope the orangutan doesn't get a better job offer from a local headhunter." At least David could scratch off 'pet monkey' on his annual letter to Santa Claus. Besides, since he's been stranded, he hadn't seen a single mailbox anywhere on this forsaken island.

(Back Story Note - For your information, David gave up believing in Santa Claus when he was about seven years old. I just thought you'd better know that before any of you dear readers start to question David's sanity any further.)


	6. The Eye That Binds

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 05

The Eye That Binds

"I still need more parts to complete that raft." David said, looking it over, "I'll see what I can find at that crash site. Who knows? I might even find some kind of lashings I could use in that wreckage." Before leaving, he yells out to his ape, "Mind the fort while I'm gone, Waiata." It ooked its reply before David was out of sight.

Checking the damaged plane out a little further, David found something entirely different from a rope. "What the… a gem? I'd bet anything this is my little buddy's missing third eye." Pocketing it, he _temporarily_ abandoned his previous search, "I can't wait to show Spaulding what I found. He'll be so excited!"

Making his way back to camp, he yelled, "Spaulding, I'm back! And I've got a surprise for you." (Already he's crazy enough to think the idol would talk back, let alone be excited to see him.) Making his way to his little wooden friend, David replaced the 'eye' into its empty socket, though he soon lived to regret it. As soon as he jammed the gem in, David was sprayed with this sickening yellowish-green mist.

"Oh man!" he said, flailing about, "Spaulding, what did I ever do to you? *ugh.* I feel like I've just French-kissed the flu!" Almost instantly, David was vomiting his guts out and experiencing the most common symptoms associated with diarrhea. "*Uh.* I need to find some medicine, and **fast**!"

Traveling through the crash site, a freak storm started raging as a random lightning bolt struck, splitting a huge tree in half. "If that's not a sign, I don't know what is." The tree revealed a passageway to a secluded lagoon. Taken in by the its natural beauty, David was awestruck - but in between random coughs and sneezes, all he could say was, "Wow… this place is amazing! I call dibs on penicillin!"

Inspecting the lagoon's abandoned hut, David found a much needed medical kit. Overjoyed, he hastily broke off the medical kit's seal and greedily drank its last bottle of medicine bone dry. Immediately after inhaling the last drop, David started to feel unusually dizzy, passing out an instant later, only to wake up early the next morning, alive, feeling better than ever before.


	7. A Brand New Day

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 06

A Brand New Day

"I feel like a new man!" David proclaimed, finally waking up, "It's good to know someone else lived on this island. Maybe they're still here! If not, I bet I can at least find something in the hut I can use to tie my raft's base together."

Looking around the hut's sleeping quarters, David found a pair of old parachute ropes. "Perfect!" he thought, "Looks like these old ropes may save yet another life. I admit, a working phone would've been better, but I'm happy with a rope. The quicker my raft is finished, the sooner I'll be back home - on my couch watching TV."

Using his map, David discovered another shortcut leading back to the beach. Once there, he immediately got to work binding the raft's base together. Afterwards, while admiring his handiwork, "Not bad for my first raft, if I say so myself. But I'll still need a few more parts before I can set sail." Then, looking towards the pathway to the crash site, "It could take me a while to finish the raft, and that lagoon hut did look pretty inviting. I think I'll move there." Grabbing the steamer trunk and the idol, David headed off to his new abode.

Upon arrival, David and Waiata instantly made themselves at home. "It's a bit of a fixer-upper. But at least the price was right; and thanks to the previous owner, I'll have running rainwater. Hell, my first place back in the city didn't even have working plumbing." Looking over the well constructed water tower, "I'll naturally want to conserve my water usage and monitor the rainfall levels - right after a long, hot shower."

Having to settle for a dip in his private freshwater pond, David started decorating the hut to suit his personal comfort level - mostly, he just placed the steamer trunk outside on the deck, hung a hand woven, discarded dream catcher he found above the bed, placed a nearly dead potted plant in the corner, and hung an old, broken mirror the previous owner had thrown out on the wall. Sure, it may have had a corner missing and a few cracks here and there, but at least _he_ didn't break it. (The last thing Mr. Bennett needed now was seven years bad luck.) Looking over his handiwork, David joked that he could've qualified for the next month's cover of Superior Huts & Jungles magazine.


	8. The Shady Lagoon

Chapter 07

The Shady Lagoon

Noticing a small clearing near his latest encampment, David told the tiki, "Come on, Spaulding, let's go explore the island. I just know you have some friends here that you're not telling me about." thinking, "If I meet the idol's maker, Spaulding could be the ice-breaker that prevents them from introducing me to _my_ maker."

The newly discovered pathway led them to the ruins of a primeval shrine. "These ruins look like it has some sort of altar that was designed to hold Spaulding." he thought, "Only one way to find out."

Using his machete, David hacked away at the overgrown bamboo shoots. Clearing away the debris, David placed the idol on its rightful pedestal. Then, hearing the sound of stones grinding against one another, David turned around and saw a pair of long-sealed doors have mysteriously been opened.

"Whoa! Who needs TV when you've got secret passages through ancient walls? Talk about your tricky island architects." Then, regarding his old 'friend,' "Looks like this is where you stay, Spaulding. It's been fun - other than that whole 'you trying to kill me' thing. Don't worry - I forgive you. I think." Meanwhile, thinking, "I don't want to leave him behind, but I must press on. My rescue could be just on the other side of those enormous doors. Oh well, you only live once."

Walking through the doors, David was shocked to discover another encampment of stranded castaways - it turned out he wasn't the only survivor after all. When this new tribe finally noticed him, David was literally hounded with one request after another.

"You're here! We're rescued!"

"They found us!"

"It's about time!"

"Did you bring any food?"

"Any video games?"

"We're saved!"

"How about a cell phone?"

"Yeah, I need to call my broker!"

"I need to check up on that no good husband of mine!"

"Where's the helicopter?"

"Finally! I am sooo bored!"

Having enough, David finally asked, "Who the hell are you guys? Where'd you all come from?"

"We're the survivors of the Solomon Queen." one replied, "Aren't you here to rescue us?"

"There seems to be a misunderstanding." David said, "I'm not your rescue. I'm just another castaway from the Solomon Queen."

Disappointed, the other survivors went back to their rut of just living and waiting. "How unfortunate," one said under his breath, "we thought you were actually useful. I swear, the Queen's standards have really slipped as of lately."

Asking around, David came across an African woman named Sandra Barnham. "Have you been eating - anything?" he asked.

"Of course." she scoffed, "The elderly gentleman brings us food from his little jaunts into the jungle."

"Is he here now?"

"No," she replied, "he's off exploring again. I asked him to bring me back a pet from the jungle. Something Hugh can't eat."

Approaching another castaway, a redheaded Latin woman named Gina Gibson, she asked, "Did you bring us any food?"

"Afraid not." David replied, "What's wrong with that coconut tree?" indicating a tree just mere steps from where they were standing.

"Is that what that is?" she asked, "Anyway, they're too high. I just hope I can get me back home to my family - hopefully before my monthly garden club meeting."

Striking up a conversation with a fair-skinned blonde named Emma Langsford was equally exciting, "Who's in charge here?" David asked.

"The old guy with the food." she replied, "Say, shouldn't he be back by now? I'm starving! (Her growling stomach made that perfectly clear.) You know, I should write a Deserted Beach Diet book. You can eat absolutely anything you want - except food." Then, gazing at one of the other castaways with a pair of longing eyes, "Do you think Robby has a girlfriend?"

"I'll… go and find out." David said, making his way to Robby Smith, a black man sporting a slight (fake) Jamaican/Stoner/Surfer accent.

"Hey man," he said, "sorry about that lame welcoming party. I think the stress is starting to get to everyone. My name's Robby. I'm jazzed that you showed up. That Hugh is such a stick-in-the-mud. He never wants to have any fun with any of us."

"Have you guys started building a raft?"

"Nah, man." he said, "That sounds too much like work to be any fun. Hey, dude, pull my finger."

"Maybe later." David said, making his way to this "Hugh_"_ character.

"Hey! Who's in charge here?" David asked.

An inbred looking Caucasian man with a brunette Caesar cut was simply standing there, searching for an answer, "I am… I suppose… yes… me! I'm Hugh Bailey. I'm sure you've heard of me."

"This joker couldn't lead his way out of a clown car!" David thought, before saying, "I'm glad I found you. I'm worried about that elderly gentleman… what's his name?"

"Professor Rhinehart?" Hugh asked, "No need to worry about that old hyena. He seems perfectly at home here."

"Well, I'm going to go look for him anyway. You should stay here and do… whatever it is you do."

"Good idea." Hugh said, calling out to David as he started to leave, "Say, if you don't find him - will you bring back some food?"

Making his way through a swamp, David was already wishing he **was** the only survivor from that shipwreck.

Eventually, he found himself in a bone yard, obviously some sort of a mass animal graveyard, where he found the elusive professor.


	9. A Class Act

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 08

A Class Act

"That must be him." David thought, approaching the old man from behind, "How many old professor types could possibly be wandering around out here?" Calling out, "Professor Rhinehart, I presume?"

That got his attention. "You presume correctly. And you are?"

"My name's David Bennett. I washed ashore from the Solomon Queen, just like you and your people."

"You've met them?" he asked, slightly surprised, "Charming people, but a bit disorganized."

"I was surprised they haven't even begun building a raft."

"Ah!" Rhinehart said, with an air of astonishment to his voice, "You have, then, I take it?"

"I have." David said, "It's just a flat base so far - I'm looking for something I can use for a mast."

Thinking for a little bit, the professor eventually said, "There's a crossroads nearby, and one of the paths leads to an abandoned village. You can find a wooden pole suitable for a mast there."

"Really?" David asked, almost overexcited over the fact he's finally found someone else on this island (that was human) that was actually useful, "That's great, but how do you know so much about the island?"

"I've made an extensive study of the natives of these islands and their customs for years."

"That sounds perfect - but what if the crossroads to this abandoned village isn't abandoned?"

"Historically, the natives of this island are a peace-loving people and welcoming to strangers. However, you should grab a bone from over there just in case." the professor pointed to an old animal skeleton, "It could be of some use. Follow me, my boy, I'll take you there."

"He certainly sounds like he knows what he's doing." David thought, grabbing a bone before following the professor to the crossroads. Once there, David noticed a ceremonial staff draped with a goat's skull. "Goat haters, huh?" David asked, "It's a good thing I didn't pack my ram costume." examining it from afar, "These poles are exactly what I need. But… they kind of scare me. This can't be good mojo."

"Don't concern yourself with such things, lad. What the natives don't know won't hurt them."

Making his way to the staff, David noticed this massive jaguar was eyeing him menacingly. Lucky for him, the cat didn't seem all too interested in having human flesh for an early breakfast. Grabbing the staff, "This ought to do the trick. Thanks, Professor."

"I'd really like to see this raft of yours, young man. But I still need to bring this food back to the others."

"No problem. I'll meet you at the raft. Here, let me draw you a map."

"No need. I will find you."

As he left, all David could think was, "Okay… that was kind of… creepy - almost like he seemed _too_ content about being on this island, but I guess just waking up in the morning is a gift at his age. Oh well, I have work to do."

Making his way back to his abandoned beachside camp, David went straight to work on his raft, leveling the mast into place. Looking it over, he wished his old high school shop teacher could see this… well, with his good eye, anyway. David still felt pretty bad about that 'nail-gun incident.'

"My!" Professor Rhinehart said, taking David by surprise, "You have been busy. An excellent start, my boy."

"Thank you, sir." David said, beaming with pride, "Next I'll need a sail, but I have no idea what to use for that."

"*Hmm.* I'm sure there's an answer somewhere. Let me think about that."

"You been very helpful, Professor. I really appreciate it." David said.

"It's my pleasure, son… and please, call me Winford."

"Hey, are you hungry?" David asked, "Allow me to feed you back at my hut by the lagoon."

"That sounds delightful."

"Follow me." David said, leading the professor to his camp. When they get there, though, David was in for quite a shock - he had five extra, uninvited freeloaders to feed.


	10. You Got Served

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 09

You Got Served

"Look, Hugh! It's that new guy!" Gina cried out.

"Uh… Hi." David asked, "What are you doing here? This is my home."

"And it's beautiful, isn't it Hugh?" Sandra asked.

"Oh, yes Sandra." Hugh said, "Much nicer than our beach. Well done, new guy. You went from stowaway to steward in no time."

"Yeah," Robby said, "This place is tight! I love it here. I may never leave."

"Your bed is so much more comfy than the ground." Emma added.

"Please tell me you two didn't…" David thought, before yelling out, "Are you all crazy!"

"Careful," Rhinehart discretely said, "we may need their help, so be nice. But it may be best not to tell them about the raft."

"Please excuse me," David said, instantly recovering his composure, "it's been a long day. What I meant to say was - who's hungry?" The whooping and hollering from the freeloading crowd answered David's question in a heartbeat. "Well," he thought, "we're all in the same boat here, and everyone deserves a second chance - once."

Making his way to an old, rusted grill, David cooked up a pot of his catfish chowder. Afterwards, Rhinehart excused himself, "I am off to further study the island ruins." he said, "I will return soon."

"Have fun." David replied, feeling like he had to say something. Then, regarding his five other 'guests' "Waiata has better manners than this group. Too bad I didn't train him to attack." Making the first move, David started chatting it up with his uninvited 'houseguests.'

"I hope my husband is tending the garden back home." Sandra said, "I don't want to escape this jungle just to return to another one."

Meanwhile, Gina said, unaware of David's presence, "When I get home I'm taking the world's longest, hottest bubble bath on record. What _is_ the current bubble bath record anyway?"

"Dude, you have to pull my finger." Robby said, approaching David, "Seriously, dude… pull it!" David walked off, only to be blocked by Emma.

"Did you talk to Robby?" she asked, "Isn't he hysterical? Did he happen to mention me?"

"One could make a mint by developing this island into a resort community." Hugh told David as he walked up, "But it takes money to make money, so you're out!" It took every bit of self-control David had NOT to punch Hugh's lights out.

Calming down, "Well, it could be worse." David thought, "I could be stuck here with the criminally insane instead of the utterly worthless."

That's when David noticed the professor had returned from his latest venture. "A superb meal, David. Thank you." he said, complimenting his over-gracious host.

"You're very welcome, Professor."

"I've been thinking. The Eloni people of a similar island weave very large mats from tall grass."

"That's a great idea!" David said, "I'll weave a sail."

"Perhaps." Rhinehart said, "There's a plain of tall grass, 'Scavenger Field' I think it's called, just past the crossroads where we found our mast."

"That just might work. Thanks!"

"It is absolutely my pleasure to help."

"I'll try anything to get off this island and away from Hugh and his crew." David thought, as he followed the professor back to the crossroads, "I mean, the professor seems great and all, but the others - _oy vey!_"


	11. A Fresh Start

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 10

A Fresh Start

Making their way to the crossroads, David followed the professor to Scavenger Fields, all while being watched by that menacing jungle cat. As the professor headed back, David said, observing the scene, "It looks like most of the grass has already been harvested. But I don't think I'll need that much to make a sail." Hacking away, David gathered enough grass for what he had in mind. "This grass seems especially strong. It ought to get the job done."

Getting ready to leave, David heard these shrill cries for help getting louder and louder as a pack of wild hyenas were chasing this little native girl. "That girl needs help!" David thought. Dropping his grass, David immediately ran to her aide before she became hyena _hors d'oeuvres_.

"You must find something to distract them!" she yelled, already treed by the wild beasts.

"I've got just the thing." David said. Whistling and waving the bone he found in the bone yard, he easily got the wild dogs' attention, "Fetch!" he yelled, throwing the bone off into the distance. As the wild dogs ran off after the bone, fighting over which one got sole gnawing rights, David helped the little girl down. "It's safe, little girl. I'm sure they're gone now."

"Thank you, stranger." she said, clinging to her savior, "I am Nanihi, daughter of the chief."

"Hi, I'm David, son of my mother's first husband."

"Please come to our village." she abruptly asked, "Normally outsiders are not welcome, but I am certain Father will want to thank you." Before he could answer yes or no, Nanihi had already sprinted off towards her village.

"What a sweet little girl." David thought, "I can't wait to meet the rest of her family." Following her trail, David was astonished at the magnitude of her tribe's marketplace. Stepping foot inside the gates, he was confronted by a man, armed to the teeth, looking like he was ready to attack.


	12. A Social Networking Site

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 11

A Social Networking Site

"Greetings." this strange, imposing man said, obviously attempting to appear to be non-hostile, "I am Rohahu, the chief's personal guard."

"My name's David Bennett and I am honored to meet you." he said, extending his hand.

Looking at it with a confused look on his face, Rohahu continued, after David withdrew his hand, "Word has spread quickly detailing your brave deed."

"I'm pleased to hear it." David replied, wanting to sound modest, yet not too boastful. David thought he had better be extra careful while he was here - he was on their turf right now, and if they decided to attack him, he'd only have Hugh and his crew for help - he was doomed…

Looking at the young tribal princess run off, Rohahu continued, "Nanihi is a curious and undisciplined child. She sneaks off into the jungle to find or, more often, create adventures."

"I can remember doing stuff like that when I was her age." David said.

"Even though, the only true adventure in life is for one to tame the wild that lives inside all of us. It is the way of nature to find, gain and take an advantage in order to grow and survive."

David listened on.

"It is a life's quest to learn to live for others - for the tribe - over one's self. I can see that you are on that path now. Know that you have made great strides in your life's quest today stranger." Rohahu continued, "Our way is to reward brave and selfless acts. Even if they come from such an unexpected source as an outsider."

David couldn't help but catch Rohahu's attempt to hide his opinion about outsiders. Still, he coughed a little, trying to clear his throat to hide his own, slight feelings of discomfort caused by Rohahu's remark about him being an "outsider."

"You should know that the chief has not allowed an outsider into our village since… well, it has been many tides. As is our custom, several of our _unattached_ villagers wish to meet and… reward you." Rohahu concluded, giving the slight impression that he felt uncomfortable with the word 'reward.' "You will find them here."

"Thank you." David replied, thinking, "Meeting people and receiving gifts? It's almost like my birthday and speed-dating rolled into one. This is officially the best vacation I've never had. I just hope they like me."

Unfortunately, David discovered that these four villagers have already left the marketplace before he had arrived by sunset. Feeling he had little choice, David decided to come back the following morning and try his luck then.

Making his way back to Scavenger Field, David saw one of the locals playing some sort of memory game, similar to the electronic board game, Simon. When the defeated local had left, David took a crack at it. Remembering that he played a dollar store version of the game when he was a kid, David easily won the prize for winning ten consecutive rounds - a miniature, decorative singing stones - before calling it quits. It was also getting extremely dark out, so against his pride, David caught some fireflies in a jar (he had "mysteriously" found) to act as a lantern to get back to camp, which, to his pleasant surprise, was completely void of Hugh and his crew.

Resting that night and doing some much needed foraging early the next morning, David made his way back to the tribe's marketplace where he met those four singles that were eager to meet him.

"Welcome, courageous one. I am Timoti Fekitoa." one of the bachelors, a light-skinned man with light brown cornrows said, "Allow me to tell you an old native secret for enhancing your creativity." he told David how like it was a piece of fresh gossip. "I have seen you before - in a dream." he continued, "I dreamt that you broke many taboos here. Carefully consider each move you make; although, we have fewer taboos now. The tribe is becoming more open-minded all the time. I am always open to new things. I could tell you the legend of "Tuku Tuzu" over a game of chess. The story may help keep you out of trouble."

"Lead the way." David requested as Timoti led him to an available table to set up a nice, friendly little game.

When the game ended, Timoti continued, "Thank you for indulging me, David. But beware - break no taboos! The Volcano is wrathful. Now that we are friends, know that I do not consider anything between us to be taboo, within reason, of course." he said, revealing that he had already trapped David into a checkmate position in as few as six moves - Bobby Fischer couldn't have done better himself.

Walking around, David came across another bachelor.

"I am Emobi Whetu. Welcome to our village, David. This gift is for you." a rotund, dark-skinned man with a dark Afro haircut said, giving David 100 pieces of the tribe's currency. "I asked the Volcano for someone new to hunt with, and then you showed up. This is a good omen."

"It is?"

"Yes. I can find anything. I read tracks like they are stories. The marks you leave on the world tell a love story. I can help you find the love you seek. But first, I must repair the broken things, and I am not a quick fixer."

David found the "broken things" Emobi was talking about, a pair of broken down weight benches. Always good with a wrench, David repaired one of them back to pristine condition in mere seconds.

"Thank you, friend." Emobi said, thrilled, "You fixing what was broken saved me from hurting myself again. Now we fix what is broken in you. You may call me friend… but please call me. I wish to learn more about you and your hunt." For kicks, David repaired the other weight bench before continuing with his search.

Finding one of the local women hanging out near a gate, she introduced herself.

"Be careful of Emobi," she warned, "he can be jealous. Do not tell him that I gave you this. I am called Orama Herenui. Do not forget." a dark tanned woman with dark blonde dreadlocks tied up into a beehive said, giving David 20 pieces of food. "Forgetting comes easy to me." she said, "I do not dwell on the past. My mind never wanders the halls of lost love in my memory. Life is to be lived in the here and now. Love is for those in front of you, not the invisible idea of someone to come. A bad memory guards my heart, but keeps me from winning what I want most, a singing stone from Scavenger Field."

"Um…" David said, "You can have mine." giving her his singing stone souvenir.

"Thank you for winning the stone for me." she said, thrilled, "Orama could do many things with a friend like you. You and I will be friends for many moons to come, David. I will not forget you."

As darkness fell, the marketplace became quiet once more, forcing David to return to the lagoon.

The next morning, he was able to meet the final maiden, a plus-sized ebony woman with short, black hair tied into several rosettes, as she was lying around watching the clouds going by.

"Welcome to our village, honored guest." she said, getting up, "I am Kiri Roimata. Please accept this gift as a sign of my gratitude for saving Nanihi." she gave him a statuette of their volcano god. "My love is like a fire… a strong wind can extinguish it, or a soft whisper can kindle it until it rages out of control. When the wind blew last, my fire went out. Can you stroke the smoldering embers in Kiri into a roaring flame? Now the only fire I burn is for the trash pit. The wind keeps blowing it out. I am tired of lighting it."

Finding a nearby trash pit, David set it ablaze, gaining Kiri's attention.

"Thank you for lighting the trash pit. That garbage heap has been weighing heavy on my mind all day. You can consider me a friend. Perhaps one day we will be something more."

That's when Nanihi came running up to David, hugging him. "My mother Huhana wishes to speak with you. She is the wife of the chief."

As if on cue, an elderly lady with short, silver dreadlocks approached. (Perhaps she was really Nanihi's grandmother.)

"Hi, I'm…" David said, as he attempted to introduce himself, only to be engulfed in a tight embrace. "Such friendly people." he thought.

"Welcome, stranger." she said, "I thank you for the life of my daughter. Where do you come from?"

"The ship I was on sank near your island, and I washed ashore here." David explained.

"Now that you are here, what are your plans?"

"I'm building a raft to take me back to my own land."

Shocked, Huhana asked, "Why would anyone want to leave the island?"

"I miss my home."

"I understand." she said, "Nanihi saw you cutting grass. Is this for your raft?"

"Yes. I plan to weave it into a sail to catch the wind."

"I will be honored to help the one who saved my daughter. I will weave you a sail, and bring it to you when it is finished." she said.

"Let us go and look for my father in the village harbor. I will show you the way." Nanihi said, leading him to the harbor. So far, the Village Marketplace and Harbor were almost like a resort spot - it was twice as nice than what that Club Lust brochure promised!


	13. A Tribal Affair

_**12: A TRIBAL AFFAIR**_

"Wait here. I will go find my father" Nanihi said, running off again.

Around that time, Rohahu approached the local hero. "I hope you are enjoying yourself, David."

"I am."

"Good." he replied, "There are four more villagers who wish to meet and reward you."

"There are?"

"Yes. You are very famous now." he said, "Most of them should be here now." Rohahu walked off soon afterwards.

"I'm famous!?" David thought, "This place is fantastic! I can't wait to make more new friends."

He found one of his potential friends near a swing set – a fair-skinned, shapely woman with long brown cornrows.

"Hi newcomer, Tumata Tehea wishes to help you. Please accept this gift." she said, giving him 20 more pieces of food.

"I have heard the others talk about you," she cooed, "but meeting you, seeing you… make butterflies dance in my stomach. I have waited a long time for the right man. I am done waiting. I wish everyone could hear the music you have put in my heart, but I do not know how to play an instrument."

Finding a pair of bongo drums, David started beating out a melody that left Tumata entranced.

"That was a wonderful song, friend." Tumata swooned, "I will be humming it tonight, thinking of you. Will you be thinking of me?" Then, moving a little bit closer, trying to charm in in the process, she continued, "With a friend like me by your side, you will not need to look for fun... _it _will find _us_."

Beet red, David felt like his "manly pride" was about to burst with joy as brief images of him and Tumata danced through his head, even if the two of them would only be together for one night. Unfortunately, as soon as he recovered, he saw her flirting with another of the village's men. Oh well, I guess it's always true what they say about something (or, in this case, some_-one_) being too good to be true...

Having to head back to camp once more, he slept, prepared to return to the harbor as soon as the cock crowed.

Back at the harbor the following morning, he continued to meet, greet, and make new friends.

Near the swing was another of the local maidens, a woman by the name of Rainui Heimata, who somehow reminded him of those cheerleaders in high school that made his social life a living Hell. Sighing, he thought as he approached her, "Oh well, the sooner I get this over with, the better..."

"Welcome to our village." she said, "Behave yourself, or you shall feel my strength. Let me tell you a native secret for staying in shape." She told him about an effective island weight loss treatment.

"You look strong, but you could look better. The body draws strength from the mind and heart as well as muscle. I will work all three until you beg for mercy and rest. But do not be scared. I think you will enjoy my training. You can start by pushing me on the swing… if you are strong enough."

As soon as she sat on the swing set, he completed his training to her satisfaction. (If he could, he'd push her off that swing and off to the other side.

"Thank you, David." she said, getting off, not having a clue how David _really _felt, "The others are too weak to push me. You are my friend now. I will do you no harm… unless you ask."

"I'll bet." David thought, continuing on to meet another of the tribe's local bachelors.

"Greetings, warrior! I am Akolo Mamanu. Everyone in the village knows my name! Here, I would like you to have this." a dark-skinned man with wild, messy hair said, giving him 100 more pieces of the tribe's currency.

"I have had many girlfriends… so, if you need any pointers, just ask. With my looks and popularity the night is never boring. I can see a small part of myself in you. If I had a jar of light, I could gaze at my reflection in the water until sunrise."

"I think I have just what you're looking for." David said, giving Akolo his firefly lantern.

"Ah, thank you!" he said, "I have wanted one of these for some time, but did not want anyone to see me gathering fireflies. You are a true friend. We could make a great team."

Hearing these agonizing screams coming from a short distance away, David saw a man nearly kill himself trying to spear a fish. Empathizing, he walked up.

"You must be the hyena-whisperer." the amateur angler said, "I am Ahio Heimata. (Rainui's twin brother.) I found this while I was fishing and I would like for you to have it." he gave him an old diving helmet.

"I spend many hours standing in this ocean, spear in hand, sun beating down and rarely do I have fish to show for it. It is funny how much time we can waste looking in the wrong place for the wrong fish, when all along the right fish may spend a lifetime swimming directly at us, only not to be noticed or caught when it arrives."

"Yeah…" David said, remembering a few human 'fish' he had let swim away, "It sure is…"

"Well, the fish are safe… it seems I return empty handed – again."

"Can I try?" David asked.

Ahio told him to go ahead. Giving his new friend a few pointers on how to spear fish that he had learned the hard way, Ahio finally caught a fish for himself, adding a slight, yet literal, twist to the classic 'give a man to fish/ teach a man to fish' parable.

"You are an amazing teacher, my friend!" Ahio said, "I will use this fishing lesson in many areas of life. I hope you do as well. You may visit me as often as you wish. I will tell everyone we are friends."

"David!" Rohahu called out as he approached, "Chief Manave would like to see you now."

"Lead the way." he replied as Rohahu led him to the chief's throne deck overlooking the ocean.

"Welcome, stranger!" the chief said, "I am Chief Fangaloka Manave. I thank you for the life of my daughter."

"And I thank you for the hospitality your tribe has shown me in return." he replied.

"Today is the Volcano Festival. Come and join us as my honored guest!" Like it or not, David was led to the village's hot springs to participate in the festivities. This place was turning into the ultimate R&R spot. If he couldn't unwind here, then he was wound tighter than humanly possible.


	14. Hot Times

_**13: HOT TIMES**_

"Image that," David thought, "me, an honored guest at the Volcano Festival. I just hope 'honored guest' isn't really a code for 'human sacrifice.'"

"I am glad that you have come, David!" Chief Fangaloka said, "I have something for you." He handed him a unique looking seashell, "This shell is how we communicate on the island." the chief explained, "You are the first outsider to get one."

"Thank you." David replied, graciously accepting the chief's gift.

"David, it is tradition that the honored guest of the festival choose a date. Use the shell to invite anyone from the village that you have met. But, choose wisely… you could end up spending the rest of your life with your date. However long that is."

"What?"

"Just a little native humor for you." the chief replied, laughing.

Chuckling a little at the chief's joke, he asked, examining the shell, "How do you use this thing, anyway?"

"Just think of whom you wish to contact, blow into the narrow end, and place the shell to your ear."

"Oh, like a cell phone?"

"A… _'cell phone'_?"

"It's a small, portable telephone." David awkwardly explained.

"Ah." the chief replied, remembering that he had heard of these 'telephones' from a time long lost to memory.

Thinking hard on whom he wished to contact, David considered his four most logical choices…

Rainui was an immediate turn off to David from the words "Ready! O-K!" It seemed like she wanted a Mr. Universe-type for a boyfriend, something he was definitely not. Remembering how the cheerleaders in high school treated him way back when, he decided (since _he _had the power for a change) decided to take his revenge on them by casting her to the side as he considered his _other _options.

Tumata was sweet and all, but growing up, David was always thought to listen to his heart, since it would never lead his astray on the road of love; and right now, his heart was telling him that this woman would fall in love with anyone or any-_thing_ that walked on two legs and had an extra 'something' in between their legs. Past experience taught David that this kind of woman only spelled _'T-R-O-U-B-L-E'_ – the burning and itching kind he didn't want while stranded in paradise… _**NEXT**_!

Orama accidentally let it slip that she was practically engaged to Emobi. That line she said, "Avoid him and his jealous wrath." (Or something like that) counted her out. One thing he was known for back home was that he'd back off from a potential relationship altogether the second he found out a woman he liked was already seeing another man, which (in his case) was almost every woman he had ever met. True, all may be fair in love and war, but there's no room for friendly fire. That, and the other guy usually had a gun or a knife on him and had no problem using it, regardless of the _legal_ consequences, adding new meaning to the phrase, "blood before babes."

That left Kiri. She appeared to be unattached, not to mention having a winning personality, and those were both determining factors in his book. That, and the fact she looked like one of those girls in those old National Geographic magazines that Gramps use to hide from Granny didn't hurt matters either. Plus, she did say she wanted to become more than simple friends, didn't she? He decided to use his "shell cell phone" to give her a call.

"Kiri?" he asked, finally hearing her voice, "I would be honored if you'd escort me, the honored guest, to the festival."

Waiting for what seemed like forever for a response, (even though it was only a split second later) Kiri replied, "Then, you are very honored. I would love to!"

"Really?" David asked, not sure what to do – up to that point, hardly anyone of the fairer sex had ever said "yes" to him before.

"Yes. I was hoping that you would ask me."

Hanging up, David felt like a teenager all over again preparing for his senior prom (although he never attended his – it was "couples only" and he couldn't get a date.) "I could never get a date with someone like Kiri in the city." he thought, "I'm really starting to like it here; this is my favorite festival so far."

Seeing her at the entrance to the springs, they casually greeted one another with a friendly embrace. He was even bold enough to "attack" her with some "ancient Chinese tickle torture," which she playfully told him to stop. (At least the smile on her face and her light laughter told him she actually enjoyed it.) After exchanging a little bit of small talk, he asked, "What exactly is a Volcano Festival anyway?"

"A long time ago," Kiri explained, "the Volcano Festival was the most sacred celebration of the tribe. The festival marks the day that the Volcano first rose from the sea, intact with plants, animals and our tribe. The first chief emerged seated on his throne with the first shaman, with his staff in hand, by the chief's side. Tuku Tuzu, the first shaman, was a very powerful shaman. He and the first chief loved each other like brothers. When the first chief died of old age, Tuku Tuzu went mad with grief. He spent every waking moment creating new potions. Tuzu wanted a potion that would cheat death itself. Instead, he became consumed by his greed and lust for power. The festival was a time of second chances; a time to witness the true power of the Volcano, the tribe – and love."

Taking that as a cue, David spontaneously pulled Kiri close into a tight embrace, one she seemed to actually enjoy. (In fact, she nearly melted in his arms after her shock wore off.) Lately, focusing on building his getaway raft, coupled with his previous bad luck with anyone of the opposite sex back home, he had almost forgotten that he also needed physical contact with others just as much as food and water for survival – maybe even more so. It'd explain why he'd been silently suffering these last few days while crying himself to sleep. He could already feel the wall he'd been building around himself since he was a kid slowly starting to break apart, piece-by-peace…

"But several years ago, someone, Chief Manave says it was Shaman Tama, invited outsiders to witness the festival." Kiri said, continuing with her story.

"What happened? What outsiders? The airplane pilot?" David asked.

"I do not know. But the next day, Shaman Tama lost his greatest power. Some said the Volcano took it back, while others blamed the outsiders. It is still in debate."

"What happened to these outsiders?"

"Oh… they are no longer with us."

"Right, got ya! – So, what's the deal with the festival now?"

"After the power of the Volcano was stolen from us, the festival became a time to celebrate… and court a mate."

"Oh, really?" he thought, "You don't say." Leading her to an empty pewter stone loveseat, David made his cheesy move, yawning as an excuse to throw his arm around Kiri, drawing her close. You could almost hear her purring in response as she let instinct take over. As for him? Well… he's been grooming Waiata for so long that he had forgotten what it was like to cuddle with an actual human being. (At least, that's what he kept telling himself.)

After a while simply enjoying this tender moment with one another, Kiri reluctantly broke away. Getting up, she said, "Good night, David." hugging him, "I had a very nice time."

"Too bad it couldn't have lasted any longer."

She smiled, blushing as she reluctantly walked back to the hut she shared with the other unattached maidens of the tribe – an area where no man was allowed to come within fifty yards of alive (save for the chief and the shaman, but only if they had a good reason to be there...)

That's when the chief approached him, breaking his awestruck silence. "My people like you," he said, "and Kiri likes you, too. You are welcome to live among us, if you wish."

"Thank you, Chief. I'll think about it." As the chief left, he thought, "I worry that if I move into the village – I may never leave."

"To help you decide, David," the chief said, handing him a strange stone attached to a thin rope, "I have a little something that will help you remember your time at the hot springs... with Kiri." With a wink, Chief Manave left so David to examine his latest gift in piece.

Looking the stone over, David discovered that it was a short of locket, containing expertly painted pictures of him and Kiri on either side. Smiling, David recognized the artist's handiwork in an instant. "That Timoti sure is a genius with a paintbrush." he said, closing it and placing the locket's tether around his neck and stuffing the stone underneath his shirt.

Making his way back to the lagoon, torn between his duty to finish his raft and return home, and the obvious pleasure Kiri provided, even if it was for just one night, he was in for quite an unwelcoming surprise when he got back to the lagoon soon after daybreak…


	15. Full Court Press

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 14

Full Court Press

Back home, David was both shocked and pissed to find his camp littered with multiple lean-to tents and various, scattered articles of good, old-fashioned garbage.

"That it!" he thought, fuming, "I've had it with these people." Walking straight up to Hugh, David finally gave him a huge piece of his mind. "What have you done to my home!" David asked, enraged.

"Just a little rearranging, for efficiency… Why?" Hugh replied, all nonchalant.

"Why! Because… I… you… oh, never mind. You wouldn't get it anyway. I'm gone!"

This sparked Hugh's imagination, who was always eager to grab more free real estate, "Gone? Where to?"

"A more civilized place… Enjoy the lagoon because it's all yours' now."

Running off, cackling like the chicken he was, Hugh proclaimed, "Did you hear that, ladies? I just closed my first real estate deal on this island!"

"You could make it into a time-share." Sandra said.

"You're such a mogul, Hugh! You should write a book!" Gina replied. (Hugh writing a book? There's the shortest one ever written since Dr. Alan Francis' Everything Men Know About Women.)

Approaching Rhinehart, David said, "I'm sorry, Professor. I can't deal with these people anymore."

"Perfectly understandable, my boy." he replied, "But what about your raft project?"

"Just don't let them near it. They'll be okay here until rescue comes."

"Ah, alright… Where are you going, then?"

"I'm moving in with the villagers - they're settled just past Scavenger Fields."

Before David left, Professor Rhinehart gave him his old pickax as he waved farewell to the only sane castaway he'd met on this little tropical adventure, arriving at his new home just after noon.


	16. Village People

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 15

Village People

As soon as David stepped foot onto his new property, he saw that a small welcoming party had gathered, eagerly awaiting his arrival - the chief and his family, Rohahu and Kiri were all there to welcome David with open arms.

"Hello, David!" Huhana said, "We are happy to have you among us. I hope you like your new home. It is our most popular hut." The hut that the villagers gave him looked just like one of those pictured in that old Club Lust brochure. If he knew all this would happened when it did, he would've moved here a long time ago. This was the coolest house he had ever seen, much less owned!

"The chief sent us along the shore to find your raft. We moved it here for you." Kiri added.

"Here." Huhana said, handing David a wrapped gift, "I have finished weaving your sail."

"Thank you, Huhana, all of you." David said. Attaching the sail to its mast, he thought, "I'm one step closer to home… my other home." Looking it over, he started to have second thoughts about the whole thing. He decided right then and there to at least take his time with the project and do it right. The way things were going, he was no longer in that much of a hurry to leave.

"David," Kiri pleaded, "It is time to stop living in the past and dreaming of the future. Live in the moment… here, now!" she was almost in tears when she finished, silently adding, "with me…" under her breath.

"You are here!" Fangaloka said, destroying the latest precious moment between the castaway and the lovely native, "Good. I am told your raft needs a rudder. If you complete a task for me, I will have my people make a rudder for you."

"Er, what sort of task?"

"Our old village was abandoned because of a curse. The curse took many lives, so we fled. In our haste, I left my sacred drum behind in a basket. Will you fetch it for me?"

"Sure, but… why me?"

"Our shaman, Amanaki Tama, will not allow anyone from the tribe to go back to the old village, lest the curse claim more of our lives. He may allow you, an outsider, to go there."

"But what about this killer curse? I'm deathly allergic to almost every variety of curse!"

"I did not say it would be an _easy_ task. Do not worry, the shaman has always been a bit too superstitious."

"Okay." David said, finally giving in, "Where is the shaman?"

"Creepy Hollow."

"Great… He can't be at Pleasure Cove or Happy Hollow?" David replied, sarcastic as ever, "How do I get there?"

"It is not far. Go to the jungle and find the shaman's guard."

It was agreed that he was too exhausted to make the journey safely. Truth is, David hadn't slept since he arrived at the harbor the other day, so he would have had to wait until daybreak to leave.

Early the next day, after foraging for some more food and supplies, David made his way into the jungle. The shaman's guard, Patariki Hina, was ordered from the other end of his post to allow David to pass through the hollow's gate.


	17. Idol Fancy

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 16

Idol Fancy

Seeing the shaman's private Fortress of Solitude, all David could think was, "This place should be called 'Very Creepy Hollow.'" Scanning the place, it was no wonder how the place got its name. He couldn't wait to meet the shaman's decorator… they'd probably want to make a skin-suit out of him.

Seeing the hollow's sole inhabitant sitting in a lotus yoga position in a deep sense of meditation, David thought, "That must be the shaman." Approaching, David said, "Hi, I'm…"

"Rude and late." the shaman abruptly interrupted, not even turning his head to acknowledge his reluctant guest.

"Late? But…"

"Silence!" the shaman demanded in a stern tone of voice, getting up, "I know who you are, David. Now tell me, why you are here?"

"The chief sent me to ask for permission to enter the abandoned village."

"No one may enter, lest the curse overtakes and destroys us all! I have set a great jaguar to keep everyone away." (That explained that huge jungle cat David kept seeing at the crossroads.)

"But I'm an outsider." David pleaded, "Why would the curse affect me?"

"The Volcano's wrath does not discriminate! Until the stolen idol is restored to the temple, no one is safe."

"Stolen idol?" David thought, "Could he be talking about Spaulding?" Then, asking the shaman, "If I bring you this stolen idol, then will you let me enter the village?"

"Yes, but who are you to accomplish what the chief himself could not?"

"Just a nobody - that's willing to try."

Reluctantly, the shaman said, "Go, then, and do not return without the idol."

As David rushed off, an elderly woman joined the shaman.

"Amanaki… are you sure it is wise to trust an outsider?" Urari Tama, the tribe's herbalist, asked.

"Do I have a choice, Urari?" the shaman replied, "Even though the Volcano's prophesy did say that when the thief finally returned to finish what he had started, only a pre-chosen one from the thief's own tribe will be the one to deliver justice." sighing, Amanaki continued, "He may be this chosen one the Volcano hath foretold, but I still have my doubts."

"I do not, Amanaki." Urari replied, now calmly convinced that David really **was** the one who would set things right with the tribe's unfortunate past, "I… feel he may return the stolen idol to us."

With an exasperated sigh, the shaman replied, "Very well… though you had better be right!"

"I believe I am." Urari smugly replied, "Just call it… a woman's intuition. Besides, I sense an honest and courageous heart beating within him. The fact that he was willing to risk his own life for our tribe's princess…"

"Speak no more, woman!" Amanaki demanded, "You have me convinced."

As Urari left her mate alone to return to their more private hut, Amanaki said, looking towards the Volcano's island, "I pray this is the outsider you have chosen, Great Volcano, and I pray that he succeeds against the thief. May the Volcano help us all if this outsider fails."

Playing a hunch, David checked that primeval shrine out first, only to be shocked and dismayed to find that the idol wasn't there. Thinking he'd have to search the entire island, David was lucky enough to see an orangutan walk off with the idol. Giving the ape a short head start, David followed it to the orangutans' encampment, and sure enough, there was Spaulding - the apes have successfully stolen it back, "I guess the orangutans grew fond of having that idol around." David said.

Prepared for a fight (having a few playful sparring matches with Waiata, David knew what to expect from those damned dirty apes.) David simply walked up to the idol, grabbed it with little opposition, and ran back to Creepy Hollow as fast as his two legs could carry him.

Entering the hollow's gates, the shaman, in a deep sense of meditation, instantly teleported over to David, giving him the shock of his life by giving him his first kiss from another man. (Even though sex was obviously NOT an issue in the matter, David now had an idea how Eddie Valiant felt when he got it in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.)

"You have done it! The Volcano smiles upon you." Shaman Amanaki said.

"A simple 'thank you' would've been enough." David said, spitting and fuming, "So, you'll let me into the Forbidden Village now?"

"To enter the Forbidden Village, go to the crossroads. There you must pass by the jaguar, Mata. Mata means 'the eye,' for she is ever watchful. You cannot slip by her."

"Can't you just order Mata to move or to let me pass?"

"I am afraid not." the shaman regretfully replied, "My influence over the island and its inhabitants weakens with each passing day."

"So what can I do?" David asked.

"You must first win her friendship, as I did, by means of an herbal charm."

"Sure - charm the jaguar… Got it… No problem." David thought, as the shaman continued explaining.

"Pick the leaf of the Nepeta Plant and rub it on the back of your hands. Only then will Mata see you as a friend."

"What does she see me as now?" David asked, already sure of the shaman's only logical answer.

"Food." That was pretty much the answer David was expecting.

"Time to go leaf hunting." David thought, "What should I use as bait… chlorophyll?"


	18. The Cat's Meow

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 17

The Cat's Meow

Grabbing a leaf from the plant the shaman had pointed out, David headed straight to the crossroads where he found the cat, who was already aware of David's presence, but was entranced by… something in his possession.

"Now to get past Mata without getting passed _through_ Mata." David thought, cautiously approaching the cat while rubbing the leaf on the back of his hands. "I'm about to charm a powerful and instinctive, predatory carnivore with a leaf? This had better be one seriously charming plant!"

Getting closer to the wild animal, David kept reminding himself to relax. If cats could sense fear, then this one would've been on sensory overload as David approached, foolishly chanting, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty…" as the jaguar was already starting to purr like a contented little housecat, or at least it sounded like it was purring…

(Kids - Do **not**, under **any** possible circumstances, try that stunt at home! David Bennett is a professionally trained moron! And it is _because_ of his training, he still alive to be a professionally trained moron!)

"It worked?" David said, surprised as the cat scampered off into the brush like a playful little kitten with her favorite stuffed toy mouse. "Or did you just baste me for later?" David was starting to wonder if that 'Nepeta Plant' was actually a rare and extremely potent form of exotic catnip as he freely entered the Forbidden Village.

Seeing what remained of the tribe's former settlement, it finally dawned on him just how many villagers must have lost their lives when this curse struck. That thought alone filled him with such a deep sense of loss and sorrow - he couldn't even begin to imagine how the tribe must've felt.


	19. Spirit Quest

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 18

Spirit Quest

"The hard part's over." David thought, "Now to fetch the drum." Getting to work, David searched the abandoned settlement for Fangaloka's old hut. He found the trunk, but to his dismay, there was no drum. "Empty." David said, before seeing a ghost. "Great." he thought, "It's also a _haunted_ forbidden village. Maybe I can just make the chief a new ancient, ceremonial drum."

"Place the urn that I have left behind where it belongs." the ghost bellowed, not allowing David to leave the settlement, "Do this for me and my fallen brethren and I will give you what you seek." Saying no more, the ghost disappeared, forcing David to hunt though the entire village on his own.

After searching the abandoned village's huts, (after he got a hold of himself,) David must've found one of the missing urns because another ghost appeared - this time, a woman. "Death awaits us all - but it follows you." she said, before vanishing.

"That can't be good." David thought, continuing on with his side quest of finding and gathering up lost urns.

Searching every hut for the other two urns, the ghosts seemed to both rejoice and regret David's aide as he started to uncover their remains. Finding another urn, another ghost appeared before David - that of a child. "It is you! You have finally come. I have been waiting for you." he said, "Beware the thief - for it was the thief that caused all of this."

"Thank the Volcano! You have arrived." that first ghost said when David finally found his urn in another hut, "Do not rush to judge the one that broke the taboo. Some events are meant to happen one way or another."

Finding the village's abandoned mausoleum, David placed all three urns where they rightfully belonged. "It's me - the chosen one!" David called out, "I'm done!" and once more the three ghosts appeared before him.

"Thank you for releasing us to join our ancestors." the patriarch spirit said, "I know what you seek. Return to the chief's basket and look again."

As the ghost family faded into the afterlife, David thought, "What friendly ghosts. I'm glad I could help them. Now, to finish helping the chief." Checking the chief's basket yet again, the ghosts were true to their word - there was the drum. "I'll have the chief dancing to a new beat in no time." he said, making his way to the harbor. Leaving, David couldn't help but feel a deep pang of sadness for all of the tribe has lost, all because of this mystery thief and the trouble their greed had caused.

When presenting the drum to the chief, he was truly overjoyed. "This is cause for celebration!" he yelled out to the crowd, "Your chief declares it - luau time!" Judging from the cheering crowd, this must've been the first luau the tribe has had since they were forced to abandon their old village. Never one to miss a party, (if he was ever invited to one) David and the villagers made their way to an area of the settlement used to host such festivals.


	20. Luau Time

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 19

Luau Time

The second Kiri laid eyes on David, she immediately ran up and glomped on him, almost knocking him down. Swinging her around, David thought, "Kissing seems to be a common greeting on this island. I think I might just say 'hello' to Kiri." Too bad Kiri wasn't in the mood for this particular type of greeting; she shot him down the second she figured out what he wanted.

"So, now you are a hero," she said, "but can you drink the Volcano Water?"

"Of course!" David boasted, "Lead the way." It was obvious that he had to earn that kiss. Walking up to a stone cauldron, he thought, "Drink water? That's all? I'd wear a gorilla suit and a Viking helmet to my mother's second funeral if it meant Kiri I could woo." Drinking the water, David soon lived to regret it - it was more like drinking pure molten lava than drinking anything cool and refreshing. Fanning his tongue, the liquid went straight to his bladder, forcing him to make an uninterrupted beeline to the nearest outhouse.

When he finished taking care of business, Kiri asked, "Well, you can survive the Volcano Water, but can you dance the limbo?"

"I used to dance the limbo professionally." David boastfully scoffed (more like bluffed), setting the bar around the halfway mark. How low did he go? Let's just say that his "athletic prowess" shined through - meaning he didn't break any bones. At least he didn't fall, either, so it all went well.

Lightly applauding, Kiri asked, "You dance the limbo like a true member of the tribe, but there is one more test. Will you walk on hot coals for me?"

"For you - I would walk on hot coals on my hands." David said, lighting the coals - but when he started walking, he couldn't even make it halfway across. "OOCH! OW! OUCH!" David cried, leaping off the coals. "Do you have any lukewarm coals? Or perhaps some Nat King Coals instead?" Kiri playfully giggled at his comedic exploit, as if persuading David to try again. That little push got him across the second time - though it still hurt as bad as, if not more than, the first, but if he could impress Kiri, it was more than worth it.

As David boasted over his latest triumph, Kiri sashayed over to him, saying, "You truly are the man for me!" before leaping into his arms. Letting her down, David deciding to take another shot at that kiss. This time, however, Kiri gladly gave him what he wanted. To say their kiss was life changing would've been a complete understatement. David knew then and there that he would never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. That even included his pet ape (please, don't ask…) No doubt about it, David was in love - and he was getting in deep!

After all of the heat, electricity and fireworks died down, "Kiri." David said, "You got me hotter than the Volcano Water and the coals combined."

"It is time for your reward!" the chief said, interrupting the couple's latest moment together, "Follow me!"

"The chief honors you!" Kiri said, nuzzling her head against David's chest, "I am so proud of you, my love!"

"You have done well, David!" the chief said, "I name you a friend of the tribe."

"Thank you, Chief." David replied, "I'm glad I could help."

"Bring forth David's reward!" the chief called out.

Huhana had the honor of bringing forth the tribe's gift - the rudder to David's raft. "When you complete your raft and return to your land," she said, "remember that the appreciation of the tribe goes with you." At that moment, Kiri burst into tears and ran off toward her communal hut.

"Kiri, wait!" David cried, reaching out to her in vain as she ran off into the night.

"Do not worry, David." Huhana said, "After you have gone, Kiri will forgive you, and one day may even learn to forget." At that time, the nearby volcano started to erupt.

"The Volcano speaks!" Chief Fangaloka cried out to the crowd, "Everyone back to your huts!"

"I should go too." David thought, making his way back to his hut as fast as his two legs could carry him. Once there, the Volcano's wrath had somewhat subsided.

"Home, sweet home." David thought. "Is this my home now? Or is my home still back in the city? *sigh* Kiri feels more like home to me than any actual place. *yawn* I'm too tired to think about it anymore tonight." David headed straight to bed, sure that by tomorrow morning he'd be clearheaded enough to think things through.

That night, however, David had the strangest, most vivid dream he's had since he was first marooned on the island. In it, he dreamt that everything that had happened to him since day one - floating ashore, starting on his getaway raft, his ordeal with Spaulding, meeting the other survivors, and coming across the tribe that welcomed him with open arms, even his short, yet wonderful time with Kiri, all of it - never happened at all. In fact, he never even boarded the Solomon Queen in the first place. He was back in his cubical at work, living his usual day-to-day existence. That is, until his workspace turned into a zoo cage! Then, the bottom of his enclosure instantly gave way and he was dropped into his boss' aquarium. There, he was trying to make his way to this beckoning mermaid that looked an awful lot like Kiri, but trying to move in this water was like swimming in molasses - he couldn't move an inch. That, and a huge, carnivorous fish, obviously a whole lot bigger than him, was coming straight at him at full speed with its jaws wide open, ready for a free meal. Before he was eaten whole, David suddenly woke up in a cold sweat, trying hard to catch his breath. (I'd like to see Sigmund Freud interpret **that** dream…)

Waiata, who was sleeping outside on the deck, burst in to check on his human friend as David simply couldn't get back to sleep for the rest of the night. (at least he didn't lose bladder control as a result - he hasn't had to deal with that since he was five. Of course, that's not counting the occasional wet dream he had as a teenager. That's another story altogether.)

He couldn't understand what that nightmare was supposed to mean, but whatever it was, David's desire to stay on the island was significantly starting to outweigh his urge to leave. True, he didn't smoke, but this was one time David felt he could've gone through a couple cartons of Marlboros in a heartbeat. Besides, what's the hurry with that raft, anyway? Deep down, he never liked that job, or his life, back in 'civilization' to begin with.


	21. Home Is Where The Hut Is

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 20

Home is Where the Hut Is

As sunlight silently crept through David's bedroom window, he thought, "I've worked so hard on that raft… it made sense at the time, but I have it so good here, and Kiri is so wonderful." Walking outside, he looked down at the raft's makeshift port on his 'private' beach, and realized, "I… I don't want to leave! I better tell Kiri that I'm staying." Traveling to the harbor, David ran into Nanihi.

"Good morning, David!" the little tribal princess said, greeting the local hero.

"Nanihi," he asked, trying to catch his breath, "have you seen Kiri?"

"No, I have not. Is something wrong?"

"Kiri ran from the luau last night, upset because I was planning to leave."

Thinking for a moment, she said, "Father was called away about something this morning. If Kiri was really upset… Well, Father went to the jungle."

David thanked her and ran off towards the jungle. There, he found Kiri - sick with the same illness Spaulding had given him - looking like she was going to be sacrificed. Approaching her, she yelled out, "Stay back, David! I am cursed by the Volcano. I have come here to die alone, to protect the village." He couldn't help but feel that this was somehow all his fault.

"It is too late." Rohahu warned, "The curse has already spread to others in the village."

"It is true!" Chief Fangaloka added, "Hear the Volcano's anger! We must flee. Kiri has the curse. We have seen this before."

"So have I." David said, "And it's not a curse. It's just an illness."

"It is the curse!" Nanihi said, running up to the party. "I know because… I bought it to the old village! I took the idol - I didn't mean to - and when it breathed yellow smoke, I threw it in the jungle. Then the curse appeared! It is all my fault!"

"But it's not a curse." David explained, "The idol breathed smoke on me when I found it, too, but I cured myself with medicine."

"Do not blaspheme!" the chief warned, "And do not touch Kiri, or you will be cursed for sure!"

"No I won't, Chief. I'll prove it!" David said, as he tentatively approached Kiri, thinking, "There's only one way to do this." He moves in, locking lips with his nervous girlfriend. This one act of passion must've angered the village's volcano god, because as soon as their lips parted, the ground beneath the party began to shake with immeasurable fury as the crystal blue water that flowed from the mouth of the monument that was to be Kiri's tomb now had molten lava flowing in its place.

"You have angered the Volcano!" the chief cried, fleeing as the volcano began to erupt.

"No I didn't." David said, "Look at me!"

"The curse does not affect you!" the chief asked, mystified, "How can this be?"

"I told you. It's just a disease. I had it, and cured it with medicine. Now I'm immune."

"We are saved!" the chief cried out, "Share this medicine with the village."

"I would," David said, "but, it's gone, and I don't know how to get anymore."

"This curse or illness, it does not matter." the chief said, "We must flee, and leave Kiri and the others here to die."

"No!" David cried, "I can get more medicine if I return to my people. My raft is almost finished."

"That is a long journey, David." the chief warned, "This curse or sickness, it kills within days. You will not return in time to save anyone."

"I have to try." David said. Then, turning to his soon-to-be lost love, "I'm sorry I hurt you, Kiri. I've changed my mind. I'm not leaving! I want to stay here with you."

"You have made me very happy, David." she said, hugging him, "I will be strong. I will wait for you." Kissing her for what may be the last time, David made his way back to his raft with seconds to spare, determined not to allow that one time to be the last time their lips will ever meet; and he'd be damned if he let another woman he loved die on him too soon, especially if there was something, _anything_, that he could do about it.


	22. The Tides Turn

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 21

The Tides Turn

"I can't go on without Kiri." David thought, "This is a long shot, but I've got to try." Attaching the rudder to his raft, David received a surprise visitor.

"There you are, young man," Professor Rhinehart said, "and there's the raft. I was worried that it had vanished."

"These people are dying." David explained, "I've got to go and bring back some medicine."

"But… wait! Are you sure you've thought this through?"

Even if David had, he wouldn't have much of a chance to say so because the embers from the volcano's latest eruption caused the sail to David's raft to burst into flames on the slightest contact.

"Look out, Professor!" David said, pushing the professor out of the way as his sail disintegrated in a blaze of glory. "No… no, no, no, no, NOOO!" David cried in futile frustration, gazing upon his sail's smoldering remains.

"Steady, my boy." The professor said, attempting to console the distraught man.

"Oh yeah?" David burst out, "That's easy for you to say! Do you know of a big sale at a sail shop near the seashore? A sail fire sale? It'll take forever to get a new sail woven and I've got to go now!"

"I don't know if this will help you," Rhinehart said, "but there was a research base here on the island a long time ago. You may be able to find a replacement sail there."

"There's a research base on the island?" David asked, clearly not amused, "Thanks for hanging on to that little tidbit until now!"

"Forgive me, David. At my age, my mind… it's not what it used to be." Rhinehart said in an apologetic tone.

As soon as he calmed down, David asked, "Where is it?"

"You know where the hot springs are, right?" the professor explained, "The research base is just past the steam vents. But be careful, the ground there is extremely hot."

"I've already walked on fire for Kiri once, Professor. I'm willing to do it again." David ran off, making his way to the research base via the hot springs.

Once there, David wasted no time searching for something to use as a sail. Looking around one of the dilapidated hangers, he found an abandoned satchel containing an old, yet still (mostly) in tact, parachute. "This is it!" he exclaimed, in a defining eureka moment, "This is my new sail." Then, when he felt the rumbling aftershocks from the Volcano's nearby island, "There's no time to spare - I have to go back and fix the raft."

Traveling back to his hut, David tore down the burnt remains of his old grass sail and quickly attached the parachute in its place. Though, David felt that there was something very fishy about that research base, and David was glad he'd left. He was starting to get a sickening feeling Rhinehart knew a whole lot more than he was telling.


	23. Eruption

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 22

Eruption

"Listen." the professor explained, "The disease came from an idol that protected the temple. The cure must be inside the temple itself, but it's been sealed for… a long time. Legend says that to open the temple, we need the Staff of Tuzu, which is hidden in a petrified tree on Volcano Island."

"Wait a minute," David said, hardly believing what he was hearing, "How do you know all this? I know you've studied these islands, but still!"

"Kiri may be dead by the time I've finished explaining!" the professor shouted, "There will be time for that after we open the temple." Explaining further, "Take the raft to Volcano Island and follow the beach counter-clockwise until you reach the Petrified Forest. Get the Staff of Tuzu and bring it back here."

"I'm taking an awfully big risk, Professor." David said, "You'd better know what you're talking about."

"I assure you that the staff is there." the professor said, "Now hurry! I'll go tell the chief what we're planning."

As Rhinehart fled, David thought, "I hope Rhinehart's right. I hope this raft even floats." Successfully shoving off, David headed straight to the island, making it there by nightfall.

Docking on the beach, he found the way he was supposed to take had been blocked off by nature and time. "I'll have to find another way around the island." he thought. Making his way past the lava pools, David found the Petrified Forest. There, he saw the tree in question. "That must be the hollow tree!" he said, approaching it.

Grabbing the staff, a small, yet devastating tremor sealed the way David came. "Now I'll need to find a new route back to the raft." Luckily, the mini-quake also opened up a new path for him to follow.

In an area that could best be described as "Dead Man's Cove," David spotted a man, another castaway, passed out in the moonlight. "He looks so peaceful-looking and quiet. Is he dead?" David thought, "I should check, just to be sure. Maybe I can help him." Rushing to the stranger's aide, David stirred the man awake. "How long have you been here?" David asked, "What's your name?"

Groggy, the man responded, "Pittman… Bart Pittman… I was chief engineer on the Solomon Queen."

"Hold on, Pittman." David said, "I'll get help."

"Too late… I'm done for." he said, resisting David's aide to wait for the inevitable, "That professor… he doomed us all."

This got David's attention, "Professor? What professor?" he asked.

Struggling, Pittman continued, "He… bribed me to get in the engine room… didn't think it would do any harm… but then the explosion… and here we are…"

"Do you mean Rhinehart? Pittman?" he asked, shaking him, "Pittman!" It was too late - the Grim Reaper was already on its way to claim its prize.

David had always heard stories of this entity's existence, but he never thought the fables were true - that is, until he saw it with his own, terrified eyes. It even spoke to David as it prepared to leave with Pittman's soul. Until the day he died, he would never forget the simple phrase "She's next!" since it sounded like those two simple words came from the fiery pits of Hell.

Pulling himself together, David made his way to the mooring where he docked his raft, thinking, "Could Professor Rhinehart…?" He knew he had to get back to the village as fast as the wind, his ores, even his breath, could take him. Once landing at the harbor, he already saw a beach littered with sick and dying villagers - the Grim Reaper was going to have its hands full. Luckily, so far, Kiri wasn't one of them… yet.

"Where's Rhinehart!" David demanded from the chief.

"He has gone to the House of Tuzu." he said, "He said you were to join him there. Why are you angry?" he asked, noticing the rage in David's voice when he mentioned the professor's name.

"He's up to something, but I'm not sure what." he said, "Where is the temple, again?"

"Through the jungle. We are all sick now, David." he said.

"I know. Rhinehart said the cure would be in the House of Tuzu."

"The temple houses great power. I hope he is right."

"So do I…" David said, under his breath as he made his way to the House of Tuzu.


	24. Let My Love Open The Door

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 23

Let My Love Open the Door

Making his way through the dense jungle, David entered the area known to the locals as 'The House of Tuzu.'

"Time to get to the bottom of this!" he thought. Already tired, and even more pissed, David confronted the backstabbing professor.

"You're here!" the professor said, "Did you find the staff?"

"Yes I did." David said, more stern now than he'd ever been in his whole life, "But I also met a man named Pittman - the Solomon Queen's chief engineer. He said some disturbing things about you, Professor."

"I see. But it doesn't change a thing. My theory that the temple contains a cure is still reasonable. Hand over the staff and we'll find out."

"You mean you don't **know**?" David asked, shocked that he'd been taken for a fool, "But you knew about the staff! You knew where it was hidden."

That was when the nice, old mentor-figure bared his true fangs as pure evil incarnate…

"I've been trying to get inside this temple ever since the Illuminati stationed me here years ago." Professor Rhinehart began to explain, "After we crashed the Volcano Festival and witnessed the power of the House of Tuzu, the race to steal the staff was on. You don't know what it's like, all the pressures that come with belonging to a secret society of evil genii. It's all about the next big idea for world domination. And trust me; all the good ones have been taken. IP theft runs rampant. And there's always someone younger, but never smarter, lurking in the wings to challenge me. I stole the staff and hid it, but the natives drove us from the island before I had a chance to use it to gain the edge I need against my rivals. It's taken me all this time to get back. Now, with your help, the temple and its treasures are within my reach! Hand over the staff if you want your true love to survive!"

"No." David said, standing firm, "Tell me how to use it, and _I'll_ open the temple."

"Very well." the professor gruffly replied, thinking he could no longer lose at this point in his sick, twisted little game, "It's quite simple, really. Point the staff at the door and… will it to open."

"Should I say 'please' in my will?" David said, sarcastic as ever. Approaching the temple door, staff in hand, he thought, "Will the door to open? Illuminati? Great… I've put all of my eggs into one old, senile basket."

Doing as instructed, David forced the long sealed doors of the ancient temple to open, revealing enough gold to make Fort Knox jealous; but all the professor wanted, however, was this golden chalice. David was shocked, but not surprised, to find that there really wasn't a cure inside the temple.

Drinking the contents from Tuzu's Chalice of Days bone dry, the professor discovered the long fabled Fountain of Youth as he instantly became as young as his the man he'd been playing like a puppet on a string since the night they met in that bone yard.

Going crazy with greed over his gold strike, he was unaware that Shaman Amanaki Tama had approached David.

"So this is the thief who sealed the temple against us so long ago." he said.

"He's a liar and a maniac as well." David commented.

"You hold the power to judge him, David." the shaman explained, "Point the staff at him, and choose."

David's choice was already made the second he learned the truth about the professor's sinister scheme. "Shaman, he used me… he's caused an entire village nothing but grief and misery. He even cost many people their lives, which he had no right to throw away… He no longer deserves to live!" David approached the professor from behind, staff in hand, and with a sneer, he yelled, "Rhinehart!" getting the madman's attention. As Rhinehart faced his ex-stooge, David pointed the business end of the staff at his target, and with a scowl on his face, the staff began to charge up its supernatural power. "_Namusan!_" (A Japanese Buddhist term, akin to "May the gods show mercy on your soul!")(2) David finally said, before letting the staff's power loose on its intended victim.

Aware of what was going to happen, Rhinehart's face was frozen in fear for the fraction of a second before the staff's unavoidable beam finally hit its mark as the sentence for his crimes had finally been passed. You could almost hear him whisper "Oh ****!" right before the staff's beam made contact. "NOOOOO!" Rhinehart screamed as he began to disintegrate into nothingness, "I'm melting! This… …sucks! Oh, what a world, what a world…" as he was finally banished to the most hellish afterlife the netherworld had to offer to make him pay for his crimes, leaving nothing behind other than his foul memory as proof of the fact he had even existed.

Feeling a great deal of remorse over his role as lone judge, jury and executioner, deep down, David knew that the professor, if left alive, couldn't have been rehabilitated and would've been an even greater threat to these people in the form he had assumed, even if sparing his live would've done nothing more than reduced him to the age of a six month-old baby, he still could've grown up to try to resume his sinister goals in the future.

Placing his hand on David's shoulder, Shaman Tama said, "You have made a just decision, David."

"Then why do I feel so…?" David asked, looking over the professor's smoldering remains.

"At least you have a heart and a conscience. That is more than I can say for him." the shaman interrupted, "The Volcano is wise." Amanaki continued, consoling David over his justified choice, "Come, let us return to the village." David had to go back to the Village Harbor _without_ a cure. With a heavy heart, he felt like he had let, not only Kiri, but **everyone** down.

_Author's Notes: (2) - Thank you, TV-Nihon, for your sub of __Super Sentai World__, where I got the meaning, let alone the idea for that killing phrase._


	25. The Power of Love

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Chapter 24

The Power of Love

Once there, David spotted Kiri's lifeless body lying face down in the sands of the harbor - now he knew how Romeo really felt when he saw his Juliet dead in her family's tomb. As he knelt down, cradling her in his arms, grief-stricken over the fact he had arrived too late, Shaman Amanaki came up to him, consoling him. "Look within yourself, David." he said, "You also hold the power to revive Kiri." handing David the staff he dropped to be by his late lover's side.

Getting an idea about what the aged shaman had meant, David took the staff and yielded it once more as life and health instantly returned to the woman he loved. Leaping into his arms upon revival, she was never more grateful to see anyone in her life than the man who held her now. They couldn't help but kiss when he let her down.

"You saved our village, David!" the chief said, also revived, along with all the other inhabitants of the village, from the staff's energy wave.

"And you have found the Staff of Tuzu, which was stolen from us so long ago." Amanaki continued.

"I only did what anyone would do." David replied.

"Not so!" Amanaki said, disregarding David's modesty, "You have done what nobody could do. You have done mighty and righteous deeds. The Volcano smiles upon you." Then, as he addressed the crowd, "Therefore, I appoint you my successor, David! From this time forward, **you** are the shaman of the tribe!" The cheering crowd voiced their unanimous approval.

"I am honored, Shaman Tama! But I have one request before you retire." Dropping down on one knee to address his girlfriend, he told her, "Kiri, I know we've only known each other for only a short time, but I've never loved anyone more than I love you. Kiri, will you…?" He didn't even have to finish the most important question of their lives, because in one fluid motion, she made out with her lover as he knelt. "Is that a yes?" David asked, finally allowed to breathe.

"Of course I will marry you, my love!" Kiri said, embracing David.

Well, who should arrive to crash the party but Hugh and his crew.

"Wow, David!" Hugh asked, "Why didn't you tell us about this place? This is way better than the lagoon. When can we move in?"

"Any friends of David's are welcome," Amanaki said, "but only the chief can grant the right to live in the village."

"Well, what do you say, Chief?" Hugh asked.

"If it is what David requests."

"Well…" David hesitated.

"Oh, I see." Hugh said, getting the idea, "You're too good for us now! And after all we've done for you!"

"What you've done for ME!" Fed up, David finally fired back, "Bullshit, Hugh! If it weren't for me, you moochers would still be starving to death on that barren wasteland you call a beach waiting for a rescue that'd never come!"

"Look, Hugh." Sandra pointed out, stopping the argument before it had a chance to get any good, "They have a raft!"

"A raft! Really?" Hugh said, as his eyes literally lit up, "Well, just give us that raft and we'll all sail out of your miserable little life!"

"Gladly!" David said, anxious to see them leave.

"Wait, you two!" Gina said, hearing an ever increasing noise coming in from the horizon, "Do you hear that? It sounds like a giant weed-whacker!"

Their argument was all but forgotten when a military-style helicopter landed on the far side of the harbor. A man dressed in high-ranking military-like garb walked out, saying, "I've got a delivery for a Professor Rhinehart."

"He had to step off the island for a bit." David explained, "I'm not sure when he'll be back."

That's when the freeloading castaways literally mobbed the general…

"You're here!" Sandra squealed.

"We're rescued!" Hugh cried out.

"Thank goodness!" Gina groveled.

"It took you long enough." Hugh chastised.

"Did you bring food?" Sandra asked.

"Can I drive?" asked Gina.

Against his better judgment, General Ron Condor said, "Fine, get on board and hold on tight." ushering the castaways onto the chopper… all but two.

"You know," Robby said, "people work their entire lives in hopes of retiring to a place like this one day. I'm staying."

"Me too!" Emma cooed, "I don't want to lose my tan, or my Robby."

With a shrug, General Condor flew off with the castaways, leaving a crate behind.

"Now… let's find out what that crazy old man was up to." David said, prying the crate open. Then, examining the weird device the crate contained, "A weather control device? This must have been the evil project he was working on at the research base all those years ago." examining it further, he came to the conclusion, "It looks like Rhinehart was planning on setting himself up as some sort of volcano god and living forever. *Heh,* I guess the Volcano had different ideas."

Then, seeing a ceremonial wedding arch had hastily been constructed, David was immediately fitted into some ceremonial formalwear as he and Kiri were married on the spot.

"Once again, my friends," the chief said, as soon as the ceremony concluded, "it's luau time!"


	26. Epilogue

_For the Legal Disclaimers, Please see the Prelude Chapter…_

Epilogue

Well, David finally found true paradise in the most unlikely of places. Too bad the happy couple's honeymoon was spent upgrading their hut to accommodate the both of them and the beautiful daughter they had later on - not to mention the training David had to go through to be shaman while Kiri was trained by Urari to be the tribe's new herbalist. The resident David ousted in Amanaki's eyes was selected to be David's bodyguard - a man by the name of Afi Mohea. Though bitter about his former teacher's choice for a short while, Afi managed to refrain from poisoning the one he was sworn to protect for getting the job he felt **he** deserved. He later surrendered to the fact that Amanaki had made the right decision.

During his reign as shaman, David tamed one of the hyenas running loose, making a family pet out of it, used the Staff of Tuzu's immense power to purify the Forbidden Village to make it habitable once again, had a small, but plentiful herbal garden for Kiri on that plot of land they owned by the time he retired, and he even tamed a rare, unclassified species of hawk that was constantly flying around his property along the way. In his spare time, he even used his crafting skills to build a small, handheld radio, a personal board game, and even a radio controlled coconut. Waiata, meanwhile, was even given a special tree of his own and settled down with a nice lady orangutan. David went down in the island's history as one of the tribe's most successful shamans with the most unique origin.

Over time, the friends David made on his first few days in the village eventually paired up…

- Emobi finally tied the knot with Orama, though their union was an all work, no play type of relationship, though they had… _something_ that kept them together - a true testament to the fact that love isn't all about sex 24/7.

- Timoti hooked up with Raiuni (who saw that coming?) and he turned out to be one of those hen-pecked husbands that was always eager to please his "domineering" wife (if you catch my drift.)

- Akolo, the village Romeo, had his eye caught by Tumata, a couple known for both parties having a roaming eye, who were a couple that truly deserved one another.

- As for Ahio? Almost two years after this story concluded, there was another airplane crash on the island, and the lone survivor was a young redheaded woman named Jessica Knight. Like David, she was welcomed with semi-open arms while she healed her wounds. Over the course of that following year, she and Ahio formed a bond that only David and Kiri could rival. The fact she was a teacher back in civilization helped matters some when it came to her standing in the island community.

…Led by David's daughter, Aurora, the next generation of the island tribe was in good, strong hands.

And if you're wondering about whatever happened to Robby and Emma, they were (technically) given the deed to the lagoon where they lived out the rest of their lives in a state of early retirement in the tropical paradise they could have only dreamed of back in civilization.

Unfortunately, however, Amanaki and Urari passed away soon after handing over their ranks, responsibilities, and knowledge as shaman and herbalist over to David and Kiri. Fangaloka and Huhana both passed on together a couple of years thereafter, leaving their then pre-teenaged daughter Nanihi in the care of their guard Rohahu until she was old enough to rule the tribe on her own. Until then, Rohahu filled in as _pro tem_ tribal chief. Their urns currently rest in the House of Tuzu - now an exclusive mausoleum used to house the urns of the chiefs, shamans, and their beloved spouses, guarded throughout eternity by the remains of their faithful bodyguards.

Bart Pittman's grave still rest on Volcano Island, where a popular myth states that, even though his soul is at peace knowing his death was far from being in vain, and that his death was avenged by the kind stranger who came far too late to truly save him, his spirit still walks the barren beach of Volcano Island, where no islander is allowed to tread. At least his spirit can now rest in peace knowing that Rhinehart can no longer harm those around him where he's damned to spend his afterlife. Still, until the time he was no longer able to do so, David made annual trips to personally pay his respects to the man who finally opened his eyes to how dangerous the professor really was.

As for Hugh and his crew? Who knows… Who even cares? More then likely they're on some _other_ deserted island struggling to survive. I guess even their rescue pilot didn't have the patience to deal with them, either. Sandra kept trying to fiddle with the radio trying to find her favorite station, Gina tried to fly the chopper in several consecutive loop-the-loops, while Hugh just kept trying to run the show. Oh well, wish them luck… this time they're _really_ going to need it.

Well, there you have it, a story about a man who took a trip, secretly hoping to meet his soul mate, who had many adventures along the way, made many new friends, some new enemies, and (ultimately) found exactly what he was looking for in the most unlikely of places.

I guess life's funny like that - not only are some events meant to happen one way or another for whatever reason no one can truly understand and that little can be done to change that, but the undeniable fact that some people get what they deserve, while others deserve what they get. The trick to understanding what that particular statement means is never really knowing which of those people you really are.

Now, I know the last line this little tale has to offer sounds awfully cliché - but I really felt it fits this story in particular - "And they all lived happily ever after - The (Living) End…?"


End file.
